One Intuitive's Theory: A Stolen Presidency

Let's get it straight: I’m not saying there was tampering with every voting machine in America, as that was unnecessary. Ultimately a few states were targeted--as determined by Cambridge Analytica and Breitbart subscriber stats--to skew the Electoral College tally in Trump’s favor and support the concept of “disenfranchised pockets of America” to justify the win.

Very creative, very subversive, incredibly Bannonesque, with just the right amount of Putin. Sadly, more "doable" than one would think.

Can I, personally, prove it? Not really. But not only is it viable, the plethora of substantive information does support it.

Bannon isolated Trump at the get-go, feeding him ideas, concepts and tweets in "soundbites"--easily remembered and repeated. He continues to schedule pep rallies to build Trump's confidence every time he takes a hit, and finds a way to throw his competition for Trump's ear under the bus. Bannon is a fundamental cog who appears "untouchable"--metaphorically as invasive and deadly as cancer. What did he say after Trump's first public address to Congress that seemed to turn a corner from his vile rhetoric? "They bought it." The self-proclaimed "Darth Vader" truly relishes screwing with America and anything we hold dear (like freedom).

What was Trump’s payoff for running? Money. More international business contacts, promoting the “Trump brand,” writing off debts of historic proportions. He didn't realize he'd actually become president.  That was Bannon’s surprise--fulfilling his own well-documented goal of creating anarchy. 

Overall, I don't think any politicians expected the GOP win. That's why there is such rampant disorganization. All they know is they're in power and wielding it everywhere, without definitive purpose or goals--other than to eliminate eight years of "Liberal intrusion." Moving at a feverish pace because they know the "House of Cards" is likely to collapse at any moment. Whether it be by Executive Order or legislation, the insatiable dominate: Conservatives are happy, the rich are getting richer, and the powerful maintain control.

In the meantime, those of us trying to keep a roof over our heads and who embrace a diverse universe are paying the price for words without substance, chaos that pleases very rich, very miserable men (i.e., Trump & Bannon), and leaving the majority of Americans feeling “raped” by an America we no longer recognize. (I myself am a “survivor,” so I don’t take the word lightly but I am hard-pressed to find a more suitable descriptive.)

Blinders Off, Reality Goggles On

Metaphorically, those of us who despise President-Elect Trump's words, behaviors and methodologies during his campaign feel a "violation akin to rape" from the currently-apparent outcome of the election. Stop telling us to lie down, shut up, and "take it." That makes you an accomplice and as reprehensible as we believe him to be. He has successfully embedded a dangerous divide in this country and offers no constructive act, word or deed to repair it going forward.

Had a million demonstrators not been sitting on the White House lawn in 1969, Nixon would have continued his plan to nuke Vietnam (his pen was literally poised upon the documents to do so but when he saw the volume of protesters who didn't agree, he reneged).

Don't tell us our words, beliefs, and protestations have no place in the U.S. Those of us who love this country and the principles upon which it was founded know that our constructive actions can indeed make a difference.  In fact, many of us of a certain age successfully worked to implement changes in human and civil rights for the better. For me, it's been nearly five of the six decades I've been alive.

But now we feel like the slate is being wiped clean. That people who really care more about the greater good are insignificant when compared to greed and aggression. We hurt--not because we're "thin-skinned"--but because the message we're accepting and passing on to our children is that it's okay to bully, blatantly lie, and be cruel as long as you are victorious.

We do not protest because we did not win. We protest because 98% of Americans lose with this planned administration. Although we acknowledge your frustration with the status quo, we know most of us will be far unhappier with what appears to lie ahead.

The Most Unpredictable of Times

Hillary Clinton is indeed an "insider" who has navigated every "dick in power" worldwide to become thisclose to running the White House. She is brilliant, tough and driven (all qualities desired—if not demanded--in a president).

Secretary Clinton has proven herself committed to bettering the lives of average Americans because of her life’s work with the poor and middle class--even if she has to “mingle with the monied” to get the job done. She is also the one person who can "clean house to decimate the 'Old Boys' Club.'" In fact, the latter have played a huge part in flooding the internet with phony "voting videos" and "news sites" that have been created solely to incite, fear monger, and deliberately lie. It has also become obvious to many that largely meritless politically-motivated “legal inquiries” (e.g., “shemail”) have been devised to prevent her from shattering the glass ceiling because they know their days may be numbered.

It was the sheer volume of accusations that had me questioning: “Why the implausible overkill?” All who believe themselves astute and knowledgeable about politics, business/corporate dynamics, and “the way things work,” must realize that anyone held up to extreme scrutiny will never emerge “squeaky clean” every time. Would you? Under this level of scrutinization, you would likely be prosecuted for a parking ticket. But actual dates and timelines of these "planted facts" were inconsistent and contradicting. Regardless of your level of interest in the minutia of actual occurrences versus propaganda, facts do matter. 

Worldly and business savvy individuals know that circuitous deals are made everywhere in every corner of the universe to achieve an objective. (Ask the author of "The Art of the Deal," for whom this has been recorded as "routine"--yet somehow acceptable--without anywhere near the same level of scrutiny, or federal income tax responsibility.) 

Sadly, as has become common with "the art of the deflection," we are made to believe that everyone negotiates with the ultimate intention of acquiring wealth and power. In actuality, some begrudgingly make less optimal deals to achieve a far more altruistic result. It just goes to show you that some people can't even think in those terms. 

Nothing in this universe is one dimensional, cut and dry. Consider who has the goal of "attending to the greater good" versus one who is self-promoting a dynasty without a clue about what is needed to run this country but exalts in cultivating hate, violence, and anarchy.

The damage from the lies is largely done but before you cast your vote, think about two things: (1) How far has anger gotten you in life so far? and (2) Use common sense. It’s just you and your ballot. No one else will know your ultimate choice. 

For the record, it’s not that I’m in love with Hillary. I’ve just researched carefully and logically, deciphering the most convincing but phony newsfeeds. Extensive examination revealed them to be blatantly (often cruelly) inaccurate. While I too often feel anger at "the system," I know firsthand that her "opposition" has historically withheld payment for services provided by hardworking Americans in his employ without a thought as to the impact on their lives, businesses, and families (i.e., "true Americans" who support and believe in him, believing he is their savior). 

By the way.... The one time I interviewed Hillary Clinton, she was more afraid of me than I ever was of her. Just sayin’.

Find YOUR All

Ultimately a hoax or not, Essena O'Neill's message rings true and there is much to be absorbed from what she says. Stop looking to others for approval and love yourself first. Everything else is secondary.

Attention from others is a blessing and allows for interaction; it should not be an expectation or become the way to satiate our (normal, intrinsic) need for validation.

I found the selfie thing to be a tedious exercise and my attention was so much better spent elsewhere. Although I am relieved to find out that even the most beautiful take dozens of photos before sharing "the right one," desperate cries for "look at me" only prove that you haven't accepted yourself.

Everything is an illusion; there is no such thing as "having it all." Not in the idealistic way most think. Hopefully we all eventually find our "sweet spot"--our version of "having it all"--and usually, it laughably defies any fantasy we ever initially envisioned. ‪#‎FindYourAll

The Moral of the Story Is...

From the "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger files..."

This time of year is very bittersweet for me as it was during this time three years ago that we kept vigil while my mother was actively dying. What was expected to take a week or two lasted nearly two months.

It was during this period that I started sensing a profound energy from the other side, as I could see my mother in her nonverbal state pull away from their summoning as she was not yet ready to leave. Yes, it was torture for all of us as we were powerless to make a difference in what was happening, emotions were in high gear, the entire family was summoned to her bedside several times with "this is it" episodes before she took one last breath in my sister's arms in the middle of the night.

Now I have learned that time of my life was setting the foundation for finally discovering who I was truly meant to be. Elements had always been there, although I didn't know terminologies or all the metaphysical concepts but it confirmed the reality that "spirits on the other side exist" and it has nothing to do with anything but sending pure love and energy to help us discover ourselves on the highest level.

This is not to say that I am "there" yet. In fact, you'd be surprised how many times I myself turn to Google to answer certain questions that I don't completely understand. But I have never known such peace, such certainty (tinged with some uncertainty when I don't take every experience as it's happening "in the moment" and fail to trust myself and/or my intuition). Everyday I nearly fall to my knees in gratitude that I have remained open, loving, understanding, willing, able... That I have met like-minded people who aspire to the same and have the same qualities, lend a hand, encouragement, and support.

Still, my life in total and the experiences of those who guide me from the other side bring the same message: It may not always be easy but by taking these lessons, experiences, and absorbing information from reliable sources--while actively applying willingness, openness and pure intent to use it for the greater good--will take me to the goal of being the best person I can be.

Although I am not a fan of lengthy blog entries or shares, I do hope you get what you need to know from this share so that you too can bring yourself closer to your highest self--especially during anniversaries or significant dates of those who have passed over--because it is then the vibrations are strongest and the connection is more "intense." They continue to teach us and we are forever a student.

Blessings always... MM

Let There Be Light with the Circle Unbroken

NOTE:

The above picture is NOT mine (although the following pictures were taken by me). The configuration is similar to how my wiring appeared when removing the old fixture, so I'm sharing it only as a frame of reference.
I am not an electrician, nor am I pretending to be one. I am a moderate level DIYer. I have wired lamps and replaced ceiling fixtures, installed ceiling fans, and done things of this ilk for several decades. But if this experience has taught me anything, it's that electrical wiring situations can differ from one geographical area to another (i.e., due to building ordinances in different cities, states, countries, etc.), from home-to-home (depending on who does the work to the home), and--as in my case--from one location in the home to another.

I would never have gone to the lengths that I did to resolve this on my own if I didn't have a modern circuit breaker system in place. I'm not suggesting that you do any of it. However, if you are at your wits end trying to figure out a similarly confusing configuration AND have a modern circuit breaker system in place, it may save you some aggravation.

In any case, before removing or installing fixtures—and especially before touching any wires—make sure the power is off (not just at the light switch). Until I was sure which circuit breaker controlled the area I was working on, I turned the main power to my entire house off.

You will need a voltage tester (e.g., a multimeter) to identify your hot wires and your power will need to be on for that. I tried non-contact testers but found that the surrounding wires often tested hot even when they weren't--even with sensitivities adjusted.

Proceed with extreme caution. And once you have identified your hot wires, etc., turn the power off again before proceeding. Respect electricity, it'll go right through you and can be fatal.

Like "Easy Do It…" says: "When in doubt, hire it out."

For two weeks I tried to "crack the code" for replacing an old light fixture in the one place that hadn't been upgraded by our handy previous owner (it still had cloth wiring but in decent condition). 

I was replacing a vestibule light that was attached to a 15 amp single pole switch, and connected on a circuit that also powered a ceiling light in the adjoining bathroom and a standard grounded double outlet. All the wiring from the circuit was crammed inside the vestibule ceiling light electrical box.

Among my mistakes early on: 

-Not labeling (or taking a good picture of) the wiring/lighting set-up before removing the old fixture

-Thinking all black wires only go to black wires and white wires only go to white wires all the time

-Cutting the cloth wiring very short because I thought it was outdated/unnecessary

I eventually discovered that most of these errors in action/judgment are quite common for DIYers and am more of a stereotype than I care to admit.

So after using three voltage meters, several types/gauges of electrical wire, dozens of wire nuts, numerous wire configurations, and reading contractor/ electrician forums that explained the process (but unfortunately never illustrated it, nor posted a video on You Tube), I was almost ready to give up because I couldn't successfully achieve my goal.  But for me, giving up isn't an option.

My main issue was that out of all the wires (eight in all), only one was actually hot--120 on the multimeter with all others registering a big fat 0. (FYI: Scrutinize old fabric wiring very carefully because although they may appear to all be one dark color, often each set has one "blacker than" its partner. In my case, those were indeed THE black wires—even if they weren't all hot.)

In our case, the circuit required the one hot wire to be wire nutted to the other two black wires and their partner wires were to be wire nutted to each other to complete the circuit, providing current for all the items on the circuit to operate.

During my trial and error process, the vestibule light lit with the switch in the "off" position (and the other two items in the circuit worked fine) BUT when I turned the vestibule light to "on," the breaker tripped and nothing worked. 

THEN I got the vestibule light to work (as did the other two items in the circuit) but the light wouldn't turn off, as if the switch didn't exist. (I later learned this was because I was bypassing the circuit and working off the main line, independent of the light switch.) 

Finally I found this page (and the illustration above), which finally made sense. Although it wasn't comprehensive enough to encompass our particular circumstances, it was enough to make the "white wire becomes the hot wire" methodology understandable enough to execute.

So the picture above is what I did with my complicated 15 amp connection (should have been photographed step by step but I didn't think to "blog it" until all was said and done; below is an explanation as thorough as I can manage). With this kind of configuration, initially think of the wiring to the switch as independent of all other black and white wires. 

1. To provide working wire length to compensate for each of the fabric wires I had stupidly cut short, I wire nutted additional lengths of solid copper cable (Romex NM-B 14/2 wire with ground, which I stripped for black and white accordingly).

2. I wire nutted TWO new black wires to the one hot wire I had identified earlier.

    - One was wire nutted with the other two blacks (which had each been connected to the old black cloth wires) 

    - THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT (AND CONFUSING): I wire nutted the second new black wire from the hot wire to the white wire that connects to the power switch. (Yes. The WHITE WIRE.)  The white wire in the switch set then becomes "the new hot wire" and attaches to the hot wire screw on your switch.) Trust me, it sounds weird but look at the diagram because it worked.

3. The ground wire from the ceiling electric box was wire nutted to the ground wire in the light.

4. The white wire that was partnered with the one hot wire was also wire nutted to two new white wires

    - One was wire nutted to the white wire on the ceiling light

    - The second was wire nutted to the other two white wires (that had each been wire nutted to the dark brown cloth neutral wires)

5. The black wire from the switch was connected directly to the black wire in the ceiling light.

The vestibule fixture lights. It turns on and off with the appropriate flips of the switch. The bathroom ceiling light on the circuit works. The grounded outlet on the circuit works. No more tripped breakers, no more sparks. No more hassles. I'm giddy as a schoolgirl.

So check out this guy's site and support him. If he were within reach, I'd give him a massive hug. But for now, I'm giving him a huge shout-out and my undying gratitude.

An Earth Day Thought

I always thought that Autumn was my favorite season but I have come to realize over the years that Spring has taken the fore.

It's amazing how new life and greenery appears each day. What was barely a bud yesterday becomes a full blown bud that "springs a leaf" the next. The birds sing rhythmically, sharing the wonders with their pals as they find as their way from one source of sustenance to another, then take off in pairs.

Spring is a season of hope and promise. Enjoy it and the rest of earth's gifts as long as she's willing to share them.

But whatever you do, stop pissing her off. She doesn't like it when she's not respected.

And that, my friends, is why it's definitely Mother Earth. "Hell hath no fury..."

What Turns You On?

A recent story about a male stripper performing at a nursing home made me smile, then pause.

Am I the only one whose excitement emanates more from within? I'm no "poker face." When I'm enthralled and engaged, it is blatantly obvious: My energy level is high and I feel intoxicated without taking alcohol or any substance. This is usually because those around me lift me up by their pure energy, love and respect. Some refer to this as being "empathic," and I am hard-pressed to disagree.

For the most part, I abhor the concept of strippers—male or female. To me, it is nether stimulating, nor enticing. I find myself way too embarrassed for the performer to enjoy their efforts. I know he's not turned on by me, we are unlikely to end up in the sack, and everything he does is part of his act—his way of making a living. Therefore I pass on such displays whenever possible.

I have never completely understood the "stripper thing" overall. Of course, I understand that men in particular tend to be visual beings more scintillated by a woman throwing herself on him, gyrating accordingly. It apparently makes him feel special. The fantasy removes him from his often mundane routine. Except he's paying quite the premium for the display. (Some, far higher prices than they—or those they love—could ever have imagined.)

How little one must think of himself to believe he has nothing to attract a woman except money in his pocket. Money he can often ill-afford—and the dancer is very eager to collect.

I don't believe I'm repressed or reluctant to let loose. In my younger days I spent many hours on the dance floor, letting my freak flag fly, letting each beat of the music filter through my body in movement and rhythm. To me, that is freedom; that is exciting. 

Maybe it's just another sign that I'm more of a "doer" than a "watcher."

Real Love in the Real World

Since I first stood up straight without my corrective shoes during the Mickey Mouse Club, television has been a huge part of my life. Truth is that I can never get enough. The TV is on essentially from my first waking moment to when the timer switches it off after I've fallen asleep.

I started watching General Hospital when I was nine years old. The daytime drama pattern endures fifty years later: As soon as two of the show's favorite characters finally make it down the aisle, someone is in the wings to wreak havoc on their relationship.

Although they conclude more succinctly, movies aren't much different: Kismet, angst, unrequited, requited, unrequited again, then eventually into each other's arms to live happily ever after.  (No doubt some computer generated imagery will also include an explosion or alien invasion.)

Amazingly, we tend to think it's romantic to have our love lives play out like these stories: That difficult, torturous, gut-and-soul-wrenching experiences are prerequisites on the path to eternal love.  

But in the midst of all the craziness, we ignore a very basic reality: Without the intense storylines, there is no story. Without the tedious, drawn-out adventures, lots of people aren't working.

It is wise to remember—and inform our children—that Hollywood's version of romance is not reality, it is an illusion. Relationships may have obstacles and certain dramas (aka life events) will naturally occur but we don't need to cry an ocean of tears to achieve love. In fact, it's often far more organic and usually kind of simple, sometimes even boring. But that's okay.

Because, ultimately, one of life's most precious gifts is to find someone we can trust and with whom we can be our true selves. Believe me when I say that there's no script for that.

Self-Worth Good, Inflated Ego Bad

As a woman raised "old school" by a hard working "DQI" (Don't Question It) family, working my butt off is not a foreign concept. I have done more than my fair share of all-nighters and 16-hour-plus workdays.

But since the economic downturn circa 2008, making a decent living seems to have become more of a herculean task. The survivors of downsizing often question whether they were really that lucky to hold on to their jobs at all, because they're now doing the work of two or more of the laid-off employees.

Usually "higher-ups" only seem to know what they don't want but never seem to know exactly what they do want.  Their beleaguered employees suffer in the fallout, trying to satisfy their conflicted bosses; personal lives and health suffer, raises of any significance appear now a perk of the past.

Experience, expertise and aging are frequently the kiss of death. Instead of being paid for an acquired skillset and years of focusing on their jobs, worker bees are either forced to work for far less than they are worth or are shuffled out of a job so "young blood" can skulk in and work for (comparable) peanuts. (Except, of course, the young'uns utilize the job for the bare minimum of skills they need to move elsewhere as soon as they can.) 

Longevity and dedication to a job, industry, or business is simply not rewarded like it was even a decade or so ago.

Everyone is replaceable. Whether you want them to be, or not. If you don't think so, take a look at the entertainment/news business.

One of the most over-inflated egos to hit the morning news-entertainment genre is Josh Elliott. His entrée onto Good Morning America was scattered and teary after saying goodbye to his buddies at ABC "brother station" ESPN. He appeared to be a super-sensitive doting father and overall loveable big lug. But there was so much more brewing under the surface—and not much of it good. (If you want the gossip about his personal exploits, just Google it—it's there in volumes and at least some of it has to be true.)

At a time when my friends in the news business have sacrificed nearly every semblance of normalcy to stay in the industry for which they have been honing their skills, they're lucky to make half of what they were making ten years ago. That is, if they have a job at all. Largely because many of their fresh-faced newbie counterparts who think they know it all can afford to work for less because they are probably still living at home with Mom and Dad. They then milk the job for contacts and status and quickly move on, without little afterthought.

Many think—just like Oprah—they're going to be a household name. (Lara Spencer gave it a go at The Insider after she first left GMA, only to return. While her re-debut was a bit frenzied, with some uncomfortable moments with Elliott as they initially tried to outdo each other for attention, she has settled in much more comfortably and quietly re-signed her contract. She'd already learned her lesson.)

The idea of being a household name is an almost laughable notion, considering the fact that many viewers can't remember anchor-reporter names half the time. Then a lot of media outlets tend to have a clone-closet of similar-looking alternates (e.g., the Berman-Tapper-Harris-Stephanopolous quadruplets and Golodryga-Faris-Vargas triplets on ABC). 

Not that an astute or attentive person couldn't tell the difference among each of these reporter-anchors as credible, skilled journalists, but they all physically resembled each other to the point that ABC hoped you didn't care enough to appreciate each of them for the unique individual journalists they are. (Eventually Berman and Tapper moved on; Faris doesn't seem to be returning after maternity leave and is not currently listed in the ABC News list of talent.)

But taking all this into consideration, adding the chaos that is the television business, and Disney's historic penny-pinching ways, Elliott had the unmitigated chutzpah to ask for $8 million during his new contract negotiations when his present salary had been $1.2 million.  Nearly six times his going rate to watch an almost-creepily-child-hugging, daughter-obsessed clod shuffle around GMA everyday? He's just not cute enough to make up for his downside.

No, thank you. As a former journalist myself, as well as a loyal viewer who watches seven days a week (pretty much since the show debuted), I'm thankful GMA didn't take the bait. So off Josh goes to NBC Sports. (The rumors he was going to be a regular Today Show anchor—reportedly planted so that GMA would cave to his asking price—have since been verified by Today to have not been based in fact).

News hit Twitter Sunday night (3/30/2014) that Elliott was joining NBC. He didn't even bother to return to GMA for a classy goodbye come Monday. (Was he afraid he'd cry? I'm sure he would have—at least for the cameras.) ABC simultaneously announced Amy Robach—a proven news pro and survivor on so many levels—would be taking his seat on the anchor desk.

Ultimately my choice would be Ron Claiborne, who in my opinion, has the class, style, charm, credibility, and chops to "fill the man void" and keep GMA from looking like The View with poor George trying to keep the girls in line. (Although I wish they could have held on to Sam Champion, who is has left a huge hole in their morning crew.)

The moral here is where I started: Everyone can be replaced. And unlike Charlie Sheen replacing Michael J. Fox on "Spin City," giving Elliott the old heave-ho is an excellent move by ABC/GMA. 

Maybe ABC will now throw some of the cash they saved into the pockets of their behind-the-scenes production staff. They've earned it.

Update: GMA continues as #1 in morning news/entertainment shows sans Elliott, with numbers rising ever higher. Paula Harris has returned from maternity leave and continues to contribute.

New Spin on Old News

Hate to break it to you, Gwyneth Paltrow Martin, but people have been "consciously uncoupling" for years. You did not invent it and it is not a new trend.

Before you and Chris publicly announced your split, you decided to put a pretentious spin on something most couples set out to do when it's time to put an end to their marriage: Wreak as little havoc into the lives of the children they created.

I can tell you, it's not easy--regardless of how enlightened you are, how spiritual you are, and how "guided" you are.

It's sad when most marriages end. It's even sadder when children are collaterally damaged in the process. Often it's the first inkling they have that life is not perfect, their parents are not perfect, and their own love lives may never be perfect either.

It is not my intent to be a "hater" and it's not really my business whether Gwyneth and Chris "pray, lay or stay" but when you try to make it sound as though you—and only you—have found the spiritually conscious way to walk away from a marriage, you insult everyone who has learned the hard way that there's no pretty way for something that is spiritually, emotionally, and often physically extremely painful. 

Ending a marriage or long-term relationship is a massive change to life as the couple has come to know it and while change can be cathartic and an intense learning experience, some have handled it much better than others. When it occurs, the couple can only hope to be mature and supportive as their "new lives" turn into the same old thing, with sensitive and loving attention to their children in the process.

I'm sure you'll cash in on all this and your followers will see you as brave and trend-setting but you can afford to be. Couples have had painfully less resources and achieved the same goal quite successfully. 

Only they called it what it is: "separation," "divorce," and (gasp, the horror!) "splitting up."

Overload

One of the downsides of having an empathic nature is that even TV shows and the trials and tribulations of their characters can leave me feeling for another's loss or pain. 

Then there's Flight MH370, the Seattle mudslide, recent fires in NJ (Pt Pleasant motel & Edison elementary school--both supposedly caused by a discarded cigarette), and the "little pockets of pain" all over the world that devastate families and communities. 

Sometimes being totally media aware can be draining. 

All we can do is pray, offer strength and hope, and thank God for every moment we have a semblance of peace in our lives.

And turn off the flow of information rushing at us--at least a few seconds.

All this being said, I still don't believe Joss is really dead.

"Hot" Isn't Always "All That"

The problem with "hot" is people don't always get to see the "real you." 

Funny but true: In my "clubbing days," I'd meet a guy and go have breakfast in the wee hours. 

About an hour into talking at a diner, the guy would say to me: "YK, you're really an alright chick." 

It didn't matter to them who I really was at first blush but when forced to relate to me, only then could they tell I was a real, down-to-earth person. (This happened to me several times.) 

Point is: We are who we are and that's okay. There will always be someone, somewhere to appreciate us in depth and breadth--warts'n'all ... The right one will grasp the total you within and feel lucky to be at your side--no matter what. That's the person who is worth the wait. 

Just keep your senses keen to appreciate him/her for all they are--warts'n'all.

Love at First Sight

When I gaze upon a full—or almost full—moon, I immediately look for the Lady in the Moon. She's there, I promise you.* Once you've found her, it's almost impossible to see anything else on our solar system's fifth largest satellite, which has many mystical and magical elements for many.

Everyone thinks it's a Man in the Moon—and at first glance, that's exactly how it appears.  But look closer. Try a telescope, binoculars, or camera with a decent zoom before you think of me as daft. She's definitely there. To me, she is a classic Grecian or Victorian woman with flowers in her up-swept do.

The Lady in the Moon reflects the very definition of "art" and love. First look: Curiosity. Second look: React. Third look: Appreciate the beauty for its "complex simplicity."  

So, in the list of life lessons: Look more carefully from the start, spend far more time appreciating it.

                                                                                                 

*Of course I am in the New York City area (America) and very curious to know if you see the moon from the same angle and perspective. Please share; I'm curious.

My Garden is My Life

My garden is an enlightening reflection of my life: Unpredictable, sometimes flawed, yet beautiful in its essence. We take our hits and somehow find a way to be appreciated.  

Each year our bushes and plants change their shapes and colors; completely new flowers bloom from one year to the next. Some last only a day or a week; others, the entire season. No matter how much I enjoy any particular flower, I no longer expect it to return and appreciate it for as long as it lasts.  

I am learning to accept and embrace this phenomenon as indicative of the transitions and changes we all are meant to experience in this crazy and swiftly changing universe. 

IMHO: Obama All the Way

As Americans celebrate Columbus Day and the presidential election is less than a month away, here are some thoughts about why--in my opinion--re-electing Barack Obama for U.S. President is the only reasonable choice.

For the record, I am indeed a liberal and make no excuses about it, was raised in an essentially nonreligious "to each his own" household, and can usually find something to like about everyone.  Mitt Romney was my preferred GOP candidate because I initially believed he could help the economy but picking Paul Ryan as a running mate was a deal-breaker for me. ("Fountainhead," indeed!)

I hate no one and will not get into a pissing match with people who disagree with my choices. I gladly listen to--and welcome--differing opinions but find it hard to justify the behaviors and name-calling by those who react cruelly to others who disagree with them. America is a diverse country and to fear or violently react to its progression as such is a sign of ignorance, instability and the polar opposite of the ideals upon which it was founded.

No one is ignorant about the economic challenges we are facing; they have limited many of us, radically altering many lives and lifestyles. Everyone has been affected in one way or another—if not personally, within their communities, the experiences of family members, loss of services/amenities once taken for granted, and so forth. Frustration, aggravation and exhaustion run rampant; many are at the edge of their ropes. Everyone wants to blame someone and there is a groundswell of people who lay every negative reaction and behavior at Obama's doorstep.

Although I hardly consider our 44^th President to be the Savior-in-Chief, this nation's economic downturn began way before Obama became a household name. If you didn't notice businesses failing in every community as far back as 2005-2006, you were probably too busy sailing the "Sea of the Last Hurrah" before it got really serious. There was a swelling, palpable sadness, for sale and/or for rent signs on every block in virtually every area, and I somehow knew it wasn't going to get any better any time soon. Then of course, it didn't.

Although I'm not really "into" politics or government, these people exercise a distinct amount of power and control over our lives, so I believe it's crucial we pay attention to what's happening.  Although it is not my responsibility, desire or obligation to convince you about anything, I do believe everyone should question and fact check notions heard or inherited.

Ask yourself these five questions before going to the polls on November 6th:

• If government financial assistance is so despicable and objectionable, how come it was just fine when Mitt Romney's parents went on "public relief" when he was a toddler and teenager Paul Ryan received Social Security when his father died? …But everyone else who finds themselves in similar need and turns to these available programs at present are "seeking handouts."  ("Entitlement," indeed!)

• Exactly how is a government dictating who we marry, what we do with our bodies, and how we should handle our finances "less intrusive?" The subtext of Romney's declarations about "government that does not intervene " is that government should lay off big business—not "hands off the little guy." Yet Obama advocates healthcare for the millions of Americans who go woefully without and successfully remedied a credit card system that allowed millions and millions to be so far in debt that there was no way out.  

• Obamacare is such a despicable proposition?  The data and reality does not support the death panel accusation, despite what some would have you believe. However, everyone fortunate enough to have health insurance can probably offer a true yet ludicrous story about their insurer's version of a "death panel" or--at the very least--how they had to battle for the simplest of procedures because their insurer micromanaged or over-questioned a doctor's treatment.

• If you believe every highly prejudicial--and sometimes downright ridiculous--conspiracy theory liberally tossed around about Obama, why haven't you been paying attention to the realities of "The New World Order" that have been unfolding worldwide, are far closer to fruition, and are far more anchored in traceable evidence/events?

• Have you ever actually seen an appreciable decline in taxes that reached your wallet? If taxes were lowered by 20%, will 20% more find its way into your budget?  My experience is that you see about $20 more in your paycheck, if you're lucky… What happens to the rest of it? And that's if there is indeed a viable, executable tax reduction plan put into place and approved.

And, finally, my personal five reasons:

1)   Those who so desperately hate Obama, consider him the root of all evil, and believe with every fiber of their beings that he is everything from the anti-Christ to a lightly veiled Muslim endorsing a takeover of the U.S. have yet to provide anything other than vague accusation, innuendo and outright lies to support these allegations. As a writer, editor, researcher, and former journalist who has made a point of researching facts, the only thing I have found is rhetoric and propaganda circulated to perpetuate fear and doubt.

2)   Many Conservative Republicans I've encountered are some of the most frighteningly hostile, venomous and angry people I've met to date; their largest protestations and disrespect regarding Obama seem more mired in fear, hate and prejudice than in statistically relevant facts. (If you doubt this, wait and see the comments that ensue should they catch wind of this story.) If Romney has anywhere near the over-reacting, harsh and retaliatory mindset as the people who support him, we are undoubtedly doomed for annihilation in short order.  

3)   Overall, I AM doing better than I was four years ago. For the first time in my life I own a house (even though our household income is over 50% less than it was in 2008). Whatever financial changes/sacrifices we've experienced are more traceable to previous administrations than to Obama's.

4)   To ubiquitously hate because of differences in opinion, religion, ethnicity, and color is the most un-Christian behavior I can possibly fathom. Make no mistake that there may be pockets of people in other countries who hate us but it does not warrant obliterating a nation. If it were—considering the hate I have heard many Americans espouse for other nations—that would mean we deserve the same.

Rational thought and common sense must ensue. Neither amount to weakness, indecisiveness or lack of power. Only those full of fear, insecurity and loathing lash out impulsively and the end result is rarely fulfilling—or peaceful.

5)   My heart and gut tell me that Obama is the only choice. Whatever causes I have supported throughout my lifetime—with or without volumes of evidence to support it at the time—have resulted in my eventual reassurance that my intuition and belief were well-founded and sound. For all our sakes, I'm praying that streak continues.

For anyone not entirely sure if they're registered, check out http://www.longdistancevoter.org, which has information for everyone to make sure they're registered, to register if they're not, to file absentee ballots, and to have every detail they need so that they have a smooth voting experience on Election Day.

P.S. Anyone writing me off as "just another member of the liberal media": Have you ever stopped to think that many members of the media--who strive much more than you realize to be fair--are simply more tolerant of different lifestyles because they see firsthand the result the intolerant who "take matters into their own hands?"

Ignorance is No Excuse

Okay. I'm on a tear. I admit it. Why I still watch Good Morning America, I don't know, because they have become so "pop/cute" versus "real news" and are determined to prove they're so "fabulous" that they have forced their anchors to do ridiculous things to prove their "fabulousness." (Recent staff additions are so overpoweringly aggressive that you don't know if you're watching an informative morning show or Smackdown.) So I've seen and heard some ridiculous and ignorant--if not PLAIN STUPID--things on GMA--especially in the last year or so.

Today they were promoting another People spread about people who have lost 100 lbs or more doing it the "hard way" versus "the easy way out." 

Regardless of the plethora of life-saving and life-changing stories of so many of us who NEEDED weight loss surgery, most in media still love to infer that weight loss surgery is a "trick" or an easy method to drop the pounds.

This is my response: 

"Dear GMA & Lara & Amy: 

Before you remain so woefully ignorant as to believe that weight loss surgery is "the easy way out," do yourself (and your viewers) a favor and become informed. 

Weight loss surgery is NOT easy and if you don't make every one of the fundamental changes as those who did not have weight loss surgery (diet, behavior modification, exercise, etc.), you will not lose as successfully--and certainly will not maintain that weight loss. 

Read my 3-part series on the subject by starting here."

Most of you know I've had weight loss surgery and have maintained  a 175 lb weight loss for nearly 8 years. Those in the weight loss surgery community know:

(a) We knew we were risking our lives by having WLS. Some of us die on the table or soon thereafter. I have SEVERAL friends who died as a result of surgery, if not on the table. For many people like me, having surgery is a last resort. Just this year I had a related complication from my weight loss surgery on 11/19/2004 that resulted in (another) life-threatening emergency surgery.

(b) They don't operate on our heads and for many, severe modifications in the way we think and react are as vital as how (much) we eat. In the WLS community, we simply say: "They didn't operate on our heads!"

(c) Everyone pretty much can lose weight on any diet. I'm living proof of it. It's all about the long-term and "maintenance." My weight loss history is highly documented. I gained and lost a half ton of weight before finally being able to keep it off with weight loss surgery.

(d) If you followed the way I eat everyday (drinking my low-carb protein shake and eating red grapefruit as I type this), you'd think I was still on a diet because for me, that's how important it is to maintain my weight loss and keep sane. Because the benefits of weight loss surgery (accelerated weight loss during the first year to 18 months, depending on the surgery) diminish with time. If you haven't figured out how to do the right thing in the meantime, it will be as if you never had surgery at all.

So please, please... Good Morning America, People Magazine, and ALL media: Either show the WHOLE STORY, be real journalists and inform yourself, or simply choose your words more carefully. Promoting the aspect of weight loss surgery as trickery or "easy" is complete and utter ignorance.

No Tears for Oprah

Unless you have been under a rock and/or don't watch TV, it's impossible to escape the fact that Oprah (Winfrey) is ends the network run of her talk show this week after 25 years on-air.

I will preface these points by saying my words here are not about being a hater. I respect Oprah's accomplishments and believe she has worked hard for everything she has. For the most part, she appears to have a good heart but has suffered from some misguidance as she's gone about her career.

Although it may be overstating the obvious, Oprah deserves props for bringing our attention to many issues that might have otherwise gone unnoticed. However, I jumped off the Oprah bandwagon a few years ago. You will figure out why as you scan through the list below.

(Vogue Managing Editor) Andre Leon Talley. I stopped watching Oprah when her guest was this pompous arbiter of all that is fashion and womanhood, who was able to declare, unchallenged: "A woman is nothing without a pair of Manolos in her closet." Now as we all know, the Talleys of this world are pretty much paid to promote "high fashion," "haute couture," or whatever they're calling it these days. (Frankly, I call it misogynistic, size-biased, overpriced, budget-killing "stuff," at best.) If a woman needs fashion to feel like a woman, she should take a big step backward and find some real meaning in her life because it sure isn't in her closet.

Oprah made the Talleys of the world that much more powerful and never used her journalistic skills or impartiality to make valid points contesting such ridiculous assertions. Yet in a world with such increasingly precarious economic fragility, the need for more practical positions is becoming glaringly obvious with each passing day.

The hypocrisy in declaring the importance of "angel networks" and "now you know" and being aghast at the number of families going into debt due to "overspending" were clear to me, if not to the rest of her fans. I wrote, I expressed my concerns, no one paid attention. So I stopped paying attention too… to Oprah. I just couldn't stand the ridiculousness of the contrasts.

Target audience. In my opinion, although Oprah is indeed a proud Black woman who has never forgotten her life growing up with modest means in Black America, her target audience has obviously been middle to upper middle class white women. Many people of color have remained faithful fans over the years but in my opinion, I don't really believe Oprah has consistently used her juice to fully embrace and serve those who are still struggling with the kind of life she had been living before she started on her road to stardom.

To me, if anyone needs unending support and guidance, it's those trying to find a way out of despera­tion or a place from where they don't believe they'll ever emerge. Let's just say Oprah could focus a little more on those who seek direction and support than catering to those who already have the advantage of being able to tune in to her daily.

Commercialization. Those "My Favorite Things" segments have largely been focused on items embraced and affordable mostly by her middle to upper middle class devotees. While those episodes seem to be exciting and entertaining to watch—not a dry eye or seat in the audience—they were really hour-long commercials featuring pricier products that were more trendy than practical. It's not like Oprah paid full price for every item out of her own deep pockets; there were advertising trade-offs by the companies involved and lots of freebies for the privilege, and so on.

Actually, when any show concentrates on a certain person or group of persons that then receives huge rewards for their experiences, there's always that bittersweet sense of exclusion everyone else feels… as if they haven't done enough to benefit, they aren't worthy. Truth be told, I've stopped watching most shows like that because I'm just an all-exclusive kind of chick and I feel like others are being exploited for my entertainment.

Celebrity. In such a ridiculously celebrity-focused society such as ours, I'm sure topic-driven shows had to take second place to celebrity-driven shows. This no doubt included pressure from the network and staff. But Oprah took a turn somewhere along the line and her shows became more about fabulousness than real people. If someone with her juice didn't try to upset the apple cart and push the boundaries, then her mission to be real is still left somewhat unaccomplished. In a world where (literally) 1000 people can be bought for the price of one high-in-demand Hermes bag, Oprah still has some explaining to do for some degree of selling out.

Even if Oprah had taken her thyroid issues to a public audience more conscientiously, she could have made a significant difference for so many viewers. I contacted the show years before she was diagnosed because of what I saw to be an overwhelming prevalence of autoimmune diseases, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and similar medical conditions often categorized as "hypochondria" or "imagined." There seems to be astonishingly little information offered by broadcast media to help sufferers to understand what's happening to them and what can be done about it. Ironically (and tragically), it is largely Oprah's target audience that become primary sufferers from these conditions and could benefit the most from this kind of attention. The one episode or two done on Oprah's condition was so much more about her than about the condition.

Money. Again, Oprah deserves her billions, although I admit I giggled at her tear-laden declaration that her life has been so "enriched" by her audience. We should only see a drop in the bucket of the riches she has accumulated since her first show aired 25 years ago. But here's the reality: By having her own cable network (OWN—Oprah Winfrey Network), she stands to multiply her billions, especially when the time comes, I have no doubt, she announces that "The Oprah Winfrey Show" will see a new life on OWN.

So Hasta la vista, Oprah. Congratulations on your achievements. I know the networks are sad but I'm sure you're not disappearing off the face of the earth, either. Paraphrasing what your old pal Arnold has said: "You'll be back."

Mourning (My Living) Mom

As Mothers' Day quickly approaches, my mind is all about Mom (pictured at right with me in 1979 at my baby shower). With a twist. 

 

I could tell Mom for hours on end what she means to me and everything about her that is integrated into my being from my earliest memories forward. I could tell her she is one of a kind. That her graciousness and beauty and talent for entertaining and sociability put her in a class all by itself. How I channel her at times without even trying—good and bad—almost as if I'm having an out-of-body experience. That for the basic characteristics we share, we are every bit as different in others.

Not only could I tell her, I do. And continue to.

Except there's no indication she comprehends. Alzheimers has taken her so far away that we will never get her back.

When I share these more intimate details of my life, I feel like I'm exploiting Mom and my family for attention and consolation. But that is far from my intent. In fact, I often don't know what to say when people react sympathetically. I mean, what can you say? My writings are a reaction to some situation or stimuli; I share my work in hopes others can relate or find comfort/worth in my words.

For fifteen years, we have watched Mom fade away at a snail's pace. There were almost humorous incidents at first. Absentmindedness… Like not absorbing the simplicity of writing an address as simple as "1414." How do I write that? She ended up writing the words "Fourteen-Fourteen." She just couldn't wrap her head around writing the numbers. The disconnect was surfacing.

Within five years, Mom could no longer live alone and family members took turns as her caretakers.  By the tenth year, it was time for a nursing home because her needs were beyond our capabilities.  Now in her sixth year there, staff marvel at Mom's resilience and physical health. "She eats well," they say. She's practically their poster child to contradict people's fears that a nursing home expedites decline.  

That being said, Mom stopped speaking about two years ago. She barely opens her eyes. When pressed for a reaction, it's as if you're pulling her out of an alternate universe and back into ours. But her trips here are extremely brief; it's almost as if she can't wait to retreat back to where she lingers. My fantasy is that she's in a happy limbo surrounded by those who have passed, assuring her that wherever she is, she is loved. As naive as it sounds, it's one of the ways we who struggle to understand this mind boggling condition cope.

Friends of mine who have lost family members with Alzheimers usually lose them within five years. Why Mom continues to dwell in this netherworld, I do not know. It's not that we want to lose her; we just don't understand how it's possible someone can "live without living" years on end.

Watching the deterioration is beyond sad. Even worse is the inability—and accepting the inability—to improve Mom's status. Coming to that realization has at times caused bouts of depression and upheaval among those of us closest to her because we know the direction in which she is moving but we are in our own state of suspended animation as it continues for as long as it continues.

Not without faults, Mom's greatest failing in life was a lack of confidence in herself and her potential. She never really had an opportunity to spread her wings and fly, nor did she believe herself capable of doing so.  Still, nothing Mom has done warrants this sentence. In fact, it's not something I would wish on the most despicable of people.

So you'll understand if I give in to nostalgia this Mothers' Day and prefer to remember what was--instead of what is. If I publicly explore the overwhelming challenge of letting go of someone in slow motion as heart strings stretch beyond threadbare. 

The only solace is letting myself feel Mom's love and believing she loves each one of us to the best of her ability. Sincere and deep, not overly demonstrative but never cold, she strived to do the right thing in every situation and you rarely left her feeling anything but warmer for the experience.

I love Mom. Her legacy will always be unconditional love. She gave it, ached for it and in the oddest of ways, somehow communicates it—even in her current state.

Perhaps the greatest irony of all are Mom's words in her productive days when faced with frustration or pressure: "I just want to be left alone." I'm pretty sure this isn't what she meant.

No Dancing... Just Limbo

It will never be easy for me to endorse tit-for-tat behavior.

Yes, the person whom we believe to be responsible for the worst crime against innocent lives in American history has finally met his end at our hands. But is this justice? Possibly. Should there be mass dancing in the streets, sighs of relief, smugness, and rejoicing? Not in my mind.

I watched in disgust and disbelief as media broadcasted clips of Middle Eastern people dancing in the streets after 9/11. Amazed and disappointed in the apparent soullessness of anyone celebrating such horrific devastation, that level of evil still remains beyond my purview, comprehension and ability to process.

Even though I was barely ten blocks away as the second tower fell, I saw more good and fellowship among people that day than I did the evil that perpetrated it. A decade later, the unbearable grief, fear and shock have yet to thoroughly fade. To think anyone could ever find it a reason for joyousness in those events just doesn't compute; it hurts too much.

Theories that contradict what we have been told about 9/11 abound. Working the newsdesk at the time, I've certainly heard some wild scenarios. But enough information has come my way to keep me from believing that Bin Laden was the sole mastermind behind the horrors and that his death is a reason to celebrate. I have rarely seen great rewards or benefits in retaliation, unless it's part of a scripted storyline. In real life, more often than not it is immature grandstanding.

We recently had someone in our lives who was intentionally making our lives miserable. We had been kind to her for as long as we'd known her and paid most of her living expenses  for over a decade. When the economy changed our personal situation and we needed to alter that arrangement, she made things as difficult for us as she possibly could. Numerous trips to court ensued and in the midst of dealing with legalities, she died of Stage Four lung cancer. As much as we preferred she would disappear while experiencing the immensely stressful ordeal, we still mourned her death. We never wished her dead; it was a matter of "you don’t have to go home but you can't stay here."

I love America and the premises upon which it was founded. As with anything, improvement is needed. We have lost our way and focus on so many issues. We are not omnipotent, nor are we blameless for our own crimes against humanity, even if it is more intentional ignorance/avoidance (e.g., genocide in Darfur) than aggressive violence. America is not always justified in our actions, can be more selective with our involvement (such as "defending" oil-laden countries versus inserting ourselves in the issues of the more impoverished), nor are we always the good guys. We need to remember that many issues in which we intercede, we believe ourselves justified and righteous … but then so do our foes.