Thursday, March 27, 2014

New Spin on Old News

Hate to break it to you, Gwyneth Paltrow Martin, but people have been "consciously uncoupling" for years. You did not invent it and it is not a new trend.

Before you and Chris publicly announced your split, you decided to put a pretentious spin on something most couples set out to do when it's time to put an end to their marriage: Wreak as little havoc into the lives of the children they created.

I can tell you, it's not easy--regardless of how enlightened you are, how spiritual you are, and how "guided" you are.

It's sad when most marriages end. It's even sadder when children are collaterally damaged in the process. Often it's the first inkling they have that life is not perfect, their parents are not perfect, and their own love lives may never be perfect either.

It is not my intent to be a "hater" and it's not really my business whether Gwyneth and Chris "pray, lay or stay" but when you try to make it sound as though you—and only you—have found the spiritually conscious way to walk away from a marriage, you insult everyone who has learned the hard way that there's no pretty way for something that is spiritually, emotionally, and often physically extremely painful. 

Ending a marriage or long-term relationship is a massive change to life as the couple has come to know it and while change can be cathartic and an intense learning experience, some have handled it much better than others. When it occurs, the couple can only hope to be mature and supportive as their "new lives" turn into the same old thing, with sensitive and loving attention to their children in the process.

I'm sure you'll cash in on all this and your followers will see you as brave and trend-setting but you can afford to be. Couples have had painfully less resources and achieved the same goal quite successfully. 

Only they called it what it is: "separation," "divorce," and (gasp, the horror!) "splitting up."

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Overload

One of the downsides of having an empathic nature is that even TV shows and the trials and tribulations of their characters can leave me feeling for another's loss or pain. 

Then there's Flight MH370, the Seattle mudslide, recent fires in NJ (Pt Pleasant motel & Edison elementary school--both supposedly caused by a discarded cigarette), and the "little pockets of pain" all over the world that devastate families and communities. 

Sometimes being totally media aware can be draining. 

All we can do is pray, offer strength and hope, and thank God for every moment we have a semblance of peace in our lives.

And turn off the flow of information rushing at us--at least a few seconds.

All this being said, I still don't believe Joss is really dead.

Monday, March 24, 2014

"Hot" Isn't Always "All That"

The problem with "hot" is people don't always get to see the "real you." 

Funny but true: In my "clubbing days," I'd meet a guy and go have breakfast in the wee hours. 


About an hour into talking at a diner, the guy would say to me: "YK, you're really an alright chick." 


It didn't matter to them who I really was at first blush but when forced to relate to me, only then could they tell I was a real, down-to-earth person. (This happened to me several times.) 


Point is: We are who we are and that's okay. There will always be someone, somewhere to appreciate us in depth and breadth--warts'n'all ... The right one will grasp the total you within and feel lucky to be at your side--no matter what. That's the person who is worth the wait. 


Just keep your senses keen to appreciate him/her for all they are--warts'n'all.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Love at First Sight


When I gaze upon a full—or almost full—moon, I immediately look for the Lady in the Moon. She's there, I promise you.* Once you've found her, it's almost impossible to see anything else on our solar system's fifth largest satellite, which has many mystical and magical elements for many.

Everyone thinks it's a Man in the Moon—and at first glance, that's exactly how it appears.  But look closer. Try a telescope, binoculars, or camera with a decent zoom before you think of me as daft. She's definitely there. To me, she is a classic Grecian or Victorian woman with flowers in her up-swept do.

The Lady in the Moon reflects the very definition of "art" and love. First look: Curiosity. Second look: React. Third look: Appreciate the beauty for its "complex simplicity."  

So, in the list of life lessons: Look more carefully from the start, spend far more time appreciating it.
                                                                                                 
*Of course I am in the New York City area (America) and very curious to know if you see the moon from the same angle and perspective. Please share; I'm curious.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

My Garden is My Life



My garden is an enlightening reflection of my life: Unpredictable, sometimes flawed, yet beautiful in its essence. We take our hits and somehow find a way to be appreciated.  

Each year our bushes and plants change their shapes and colors; completely new flowers bloom from one year to the next. Some last only a day or a week; others, the entire season. No matter how much I enjoy any particular flower, I no longer expect it to return and appreciate it for as long as it lasts.  

I am learning to accept and embrace this phenomenon as indicative of the transitions and changes we all are meant to experience in this crazy and swiftly changing universe. 

Sunday, October 7, 2012

IMHO: Obama All the Way


As Americans celebrate Columbus Day and the presidential election is less than a month away, here are some thoughts about why--in my opinion--re-electing Barack Obama for U.S. President is the only reasonable choice.
For the record, I am indeed a liberal and make no excuses about it, was raised in an essentially nonreligious "to each his own" household, and can usually find something to like about everyone.  Mitt Romney was my preferred GOP candidate because I initially believed he could help the economy but picking Paul Ryan as a running mate was a deal-breaker for me. ("Fountainhead," indeed!)
I hate no one and will not get into a pissing match with people who disagree with my choices. I gladly listen to--and welcome--differing opinions but find it hard to justify the behaviors and name-calling by those who react cruelly to others who disagree with them. America is a diverse country and to fear or violently react to its progression as such is a sign of ignorance, instability and the polar opposite of the ideals upon which it was founded.
No one is ignorant about the economic challenges we are facing; they have limited many of us, radically altering many lives and lifestyles. Everyone has been affected in one way or another—if not personally, within their communities, the experiences of family members, loss of services/amenities once taken for granted, and so forth. Frustration, aggravation and exhaustion run rampant; many are at the edge of their ropes. Everyone wants to blame someone and there is a groundswell of people who lay every negative reaction and behavior at Obama's doorstep.
Although I hardly consider our 44th President to be the Savior-in-Chief, this nation's economic downturn began way before Obama became a household name. If you didn't notice businesses failing in every community as far back as 2005-2006, you were probably too busy sailing the "Sea of the Last Hurrah" before it got really serious. There was a swelling, palpable sadness, for sale and/or for rent signs on every block in virtually every area, and I somehow knew it wasn't going to get any better any time soon. Then of course, it didn't.
Although I'm not really "into" politics or government, these people exercise a distinct amount of power and control over our lives, so I believe it's crucial we pay attention to what's happening.  Although it is not my responsibility, desire or obligation to convince you about anything, I do believe everyone should question and fact check notions heard or inherited.
Ask yourself these five questions before going to the polls on November 6th:
  • If government financial assistance is so despicable and objectionable, how come it was just fine when Mitt Romney's parents went on "public relief" when he was a toddler and teenager Paul Ryan received Social Security when his father died? …But everyone else who finds themselves in similar need and turns to these available programs at present are "seeking handouts."  ("Entitlement," indeed!)
  • Exactly how is a government dictating who we marry, what we do with our bodies, and how we should handle our finances "less intrusive?" The subtext of Romney's declarations about "government that does not intervene " is that government should lay off big business—not "hands off the little guy." Yet Obama advocates healthcare for the millions of Americans who go woefully without and successfully remedied a credit card system that allowed millions and millions to be so far in debt that there was no way out.  
  • Obamacare is such a despicable proposition?  The data and reality does not support the death panel accusation, despite what some would have you believe. However, everyone fortunate enough to have health insurance can probably offer a true yet ludicrous story about their insurer's version of a "death panel" or--at the very least--how they had to battle for the simplest of procedures because their insurer micromanaged or over-questioned a doctor's treatment.
  • If you believe every highly prejudicial--and sometimes downright ridiculous--conspiracy theory liberally tossed around about Obama, why haven't you been paying attention to the realities of "The New World Order" that have been unfolding worldwide, are far closer to fruition, and are far more anchored in traceable evidence/events?
  • Have you ever actually seen an appreciable decline in taxes that reached your wallet? If taxes were lowered by 20%, will 20% more find its way into your budget?  My experience is that you see about $20 more in your paycheck, if you're lucky… What happens to the rest of it? And that's if there is indeed a viable, executable tax reduction plan put into place and approved.
And, finally, my personal five reasons:
1)   Those who so desperately hate Obama, consider him the root of all evil, and believe with every fiber of their beings that he is everything from the anti-Christ to a lightly veiled Muslim endorsing a takeover of the U.S. have yet to provide anything other than vague accusation, innuendo and outright lies to support these allegations. As a writer, editor, researcher, and former journalist who has made a point of researching facts, the only thing I have found is rhetoric and propaganda circulated to perpetuate fear and doubt.
2)   Many Conservative Republicans I've encountered are some of the most frighteningly hostile, venomous and angry people I've met to date; their largest protestations and disrespect regarding Obama seem more mired in fear, hate and prejudice than in statistically relevant facts. (If you doubt this, wait and see the comments that ensue should they catch wind of this story.) If Romney has anywhere near the over-reacting, harsh and retaliatory mindset as the people who support him, we are undoubtedly doomed for annihilation in short order.  
3)   Overall, I AM doing better than I was four years ago. For the first time in my life I own a house (even though our household income is over 50% less than it was in 2008). Whatever financial changes/sacrifices we've experienced are more traceable to previous administrations than to Obama's.
4)   To ubiquitously hate because of differences in opinion, religion, ethnicity, and color is the most un-Christian behavior I can possibly fathom. Make no mistake that there may be pockets of people in other countries who hate us but it does not warrant obliterating a nation. If it were—considering the hate I have heard many Americans espouse for other nations—that would mean we deserve the same.
Rational thought and common sense must ensue. Neither amount to weakness, indecisiveness or lack of power. Only those full of fear, insecurity and loathing lash out impulsively and the end result is rarely fulfilling—or peaceful.
5)   My heart and gut tell me that Obama is the only choice. Whatever causes I have supported throughout my lifetime—with or without volumes of evidence to support it at the time—have resulted in my eventual reassurance that my intuition and belief were well-founded and sound. For all our sakes, I'm praying that streak continues.
For anyone not entirely sure if they're registered, check out http://www.longdistancevoter.org, which has information for everyone to make sure they're registered, to register if they're not, to file absentee ballots, and to have every detail they need so that they have a smooth voting experience on Election Day.
P.S. Anyone writing me off as "just another member of the liberal media": Have you ever stopped to think that many members of the media--who strive much more than you realize to be fair--are simply more tolerant of different lifestyles because they see firsthand the result the intolerant who "take matters into their own hands?"

Friday, August 17, 2012

Ignorance is No Excuse


Okay. I'm on a tear. I admit it. Why I still watch Good Morning America, I don't know, because they have become so "pop/cute" versus "real news" and are determined to prove they're so "fabulous" that they have forced their anchors to do ridiculous things to prove their "fabulousness." (Recent staff additions are so overpoweringly aggressive that you don't know if you're watching an informative morning show or Smackdown.) So I've seen and heard some ridiculous and ignorant--if not PLAIN STUPID--things on GMA--especially in the last year or so.

Today they were promoting another People spread about people who have lost 100 lbs or more doing it the "hard way" versus "the easy way out." 


Regardless of the plethora of life-saving and life-changing stories of so many of us who NEEDED weight loss surgery, most in media still love to infer that weight loss surgery is a "trick" or an easy method to drop the pounds.


This is my response: 


"Dear GMA & Lara & Amy: 


Before you remain so woefully ignorant as to believe that weight loss surgery is "the easy way out," do yourself (and your viewers) a favor and become informed. 


Weight loss surgery is NOT easy and if you don't make every one of the fundamental changes as those who did not have weight loss surgery (diet, behavior modification, exercise, etc.), you will not lose as successfully--and certainly will not maintain that weight loss. 


Read my 3-part series on the subject by starting here."


Most of you know I've had weight loss surgery and have maintained  a 175 lb weight loss for nearly 8 years. Those in the weight loss surgery community know:


(a) We knew we were risking our lives by having WLS. Some of us die on the table or soon thereafter. I have SEVERAL friends who died as a result of surgery, if not on the table. For many people like me, having surgery is a last resort. Just this year I had a related complication from my weight loss surgery on 11/19/2004 that resulted in (another) life-threatening emergency surgery.


(b) They don't operate on our heads and for many, severe modifications in the way we think and react are as vital as how (much) we eat. In the WLS community, we simply say: "They didn't operate on our heads!"


(c) Everyone pretty much can lose weight on any diet. I'm living proof of it. It's all about the long-term and "maintenance." My weight loss history is highly documented. I gained and lost a half ton of weight before finally being able to keep it off with weight loss surgery.


(d) If you followed the way I eat everyday (drinking my low-carb protein shake and eating red grapefruit as I type this), you'd think I was still on a diet because for me, that's how important it is to maintain my weight loss and keep sane. Because the benefits of weight loss surgery (accelerated weight loss during the first year to 18 months, depending on the surgery) diminish with time. If you haven't figured out how to do the right thing in the meantime, it will be as if you never had surgery at all.


So please, please... Good Morning America, People Magazine, and ALL media: Either show the WHOLE STORY, be real journalists and inform yourself, or simply choose your words more carefully. Promoting the aspect of weight loss surgery as trickery or "easy" is complete and utter ignorance.