Love at First Sight

When I gaze upon a full—or almost full—moon, I immediately look for the Lady in the Moon. She's there, I promise you.* Once you've found her, it's almost impossible to see anything else on our solar system's fifth largest satellite, which has many mystical and magical elements for many.

Everyone thinks it's a Man in the Moon—and at first glance, that's exactly how it appears.  But look closer. Try a telescope, binoculars, or camera with a decent zoom before you think of me as daft. She's definitely there. To me, she is a classic Grecian or Victorian woman with flowers in her up-swept do.

The Lady in the Moon reflects the very definition of "art" and love. First look: Curiosity. Second look: React. Third look: Appreciate the beauty for its "complex simplicity."  

So, in the list of life lessons: Look more carefully from the start, spend far more time appreciating it.

                                                                                                 

*Of course I am in the New York City area (America) and very curious to know if you see the moon from the same angle and perspective. Please share; I'm curious.

My Garden is My Life

My garden is an enlightening reflection of my life: Unpredictable, sometimes flawed, yet beautiful in its essence. We take our hits and somehow find a way to be appreciated.  

Each year our bushes and plants change their shapes and colors; completely new flowers bloom from one year to the next. Some last only a day or a week; others, the entire season. No matter how much I enjoy any particular flower, I no longer expect it to return and appreciate it for as long as it lasts.  

I am learning to accept and embrace this phenomenon as indicative of the transitions and changes we all are meant to experience in this crazy and swiftly changing universe. 

IMHO: Obama All the Way

As Americans celebrate Columbus Day and the presidential election is less than a month away, here are some thoughts about why--in my opinion--re-electing Barack Obama for U.S. President is the only reasonable choice.

For the record, I am indeed a liberal and make no excuses about it, was raised in an essentially nonreligious "to each his own" household, and can usually find something to like about everyone.  Mitt Romney was my preferred GOP candidate because I initially believed he could help the economy but picking Paul Ryan as a running mate was a deal-breaker for me. ("Fountainhead," indeed!)

I hate no one and will not get into a pissing match with people who disagree with my choices. I gladly listen to--and welcome--differing opinions but find it hard to justify the behaviors and name-calling by those who react cruelly to others who disagree with them. America is a diverse country and to fear or violently react to its progression as such is a sign of ignorance, instability and the polar opposite of the ideals upon which it was founded.

No one is ignorant about the economic challenges we are facing; they have limited many of us, radically altering many lives and lifestyles. Everyone has been affected in one way or another—if not personally, within their communities, the experiences of family members, loss of services/amenities once taken for granted, and so forth. Frustration, aggravation and exhaustion run rampant; many are at the edge of their ropes. Everyone wants to blame someone and there is a groundswell of people who lay every negative reaction and behavior at Obama's doorstep.

Although I hardly consider our 44^th President to be the Savior-in-Chief, this nation's economic downturn began way before Obama became a household name. If you didn't notice businesses failing in every community as far back as 2005-2006, you were probably too busy sailing the "Sea of the Last Hurrah" before it got really serious. There was a swelling, palpable sadness, for sale and/or for rent signs on every block in virtually every area, and I somehow knew it wasn't going to get any better any time soon. Then of course, it didn't.

Although I'm not really "into" politics or government, these people exercise a distinct amount of power and control over our lives, so I believe it's crucial we pay attention to what's happening.  Although it is not my responsibility, desire or obligation to convince you about anything, I do believe everyone should question and fact check notions heard or inherited.

Ask yourself these five questions before going to the polls on November 6th:

• If government financial assistance is so despicable and objectionable, how come it was just fine when Mitt Romney's parents went on "public relief" when he was a toddler and teenager Paul Ryan received Social Security when his father died? …But everyone else who finds themselves in similar need and turns to these available programs at present are "seeking handouts."  ("Entitlement," indeed!)

• Exactly how is a government dictating who we marry, what we do with our bodies, and how we should handle our finances "less intrusive?" The subtext of Romney's declarations about "government that does not intervene " is that government should lay off big business—not "hands off the little guy." Yet Obama advocates healthcare for the millions of Americans who go woefully without and successfully remedied a credit card system that allowed millions and millions to be so far in debt that there was no way out.  

• Obamacare is such a despicable proposition?  The data and reality does not support the death panel accusation, despite what some would have you believe. However, everyone fortunate enough to have health insurance can probably offer a true yet ludicrous story about their insurer's version of a "death panel" or--at the very least--how they had to battle for the simplest of procedures because their insurer micromanaged or over-questioned a doctor's treatment.

• If you believe every highly prejudicial--and sometimes downright ridiculous--conspiracy theory liberally tossed around about Obama, why haven't you been paying attention to the realities of "The New World Order" that have been unfolding worldwide, are far closer to fruition, and are far more anchored in traceable evidence/events?

• Have you ever actually seen an appreciable decline in taxes that reached your wallet? If taxes were lowered by 20%, will 20% more find its way into your budget?  My experience is that you see about $20 more in your paycheck, if you're lucky… What happens to the rest of it? And that's if there is indeed a viable, executable tax reduction plan put into place and approved.

And, finally, my personal five reasons:

1)   Those who so desperately hate Obama, consider him the root of all evil, and believe with every fiber of their beings that he is everything from the anti-Christ to a lightly veiled Muslim endorsing a takeover of the U.S. have yet to provide anything other than vague accusation, innuendo and outright lies to support these allegations. As a writer, editor, researcher, and former journalist who has made a point of researching facts, the only thing I have found is rhetoric and propaganda circulated to perpetuate fear and doubt.

2)   Many Conservative Republicans I've encountered are some of the most frighteningly hostile, venomous and angry people I've met to date; their largest protestations and disrespect regarding Obama seem more mired in fear, hate and prejudice than in statistically relevant facts. (If you doubt this, wait and see the comments that ensue should they catch wind of this story.) If Romney has anywhere near the over-reacting, harsh and retaliatory mindset as the people who support him, we are undoubtedly doomed for annihilation in short order.  

3)   Overall, I AM doing better than I was four years ago. For the first time in my life I own a house (even though our household income is over 50% less than it was in 2008). Whatever financial changes/sacrifices we've experienced are more traceable to previous administrations than to Obama's.

4)   To ubiquitously hate because of differences in opinion, religion, ethnicity, and color is the most un-Christian behavior I can possibly fathom. Make no mistake that there may be pockets of people in other countries who hate us but it does not warrant obliterating a nation. If it were—considering the hate I have heard many Americans espouse for other nations—that would mean we deserve the same.

Rational thought and common sense must ensue. Neither amount to weakness, indecisiveness or lack of power. Only those full of fear, insecurity and loathing lash out impulsively and the end result is rarely fulfilling—or peaceful.

5)   My heart and gut tell me that Obama is the only choice. Whatever causes I have supported throughout my lifetime—with or without volumes of evidence to support it at the time—have resulted in my eventual reassurance that my intuition and belief were well-founded and sound. For all our sakes, I'm praying that streak continues.

For anyone not entirely sure if they're registered, check out http://www.longdistancevoter.org, which has information for everyone to make sure they're registered, to register if they're not, to file absentee ballots, and to have every detail they need so that they have a smooth voting experience on Election Day.

P.S. Anyone writing me off as "just another member of the liberal media": Have you ever stopped to think that many members of the media--who strive much more than you realize to be fair--are simply more tolerant of different lifestyles because they see firsthand the result the intolerant who "take matters into their own hands?"

Ignorance is No Excuse

Okay. I'm on a tear. I admit it. Why I still watch Good Morning America, I don't know, because they have become so "pop/cute" versus "real news" and are determined to prove they're so "fabulous" that they have forced their anchors to do ridiculous things to prove their "fabulousness." (Recent staff additions are so overpoweringly aggressive that you don't know if you're watching an informative morning show or Smackdown.) So I've seen and heard some ridiculous and ignorant--if not PLAIN STUPID--things on GMA--especially in the last year or so.

Today they were promoting another People spread about people who have lost 100 lbs or more doing it the "hard way" versus "the easy way out." 

Regardless of the plethora of life-saving and life-changing stories of so many of us who NEEDED weight loss surgery, most in media still love to infer that weight loss surgery is a "trick" or an easy method to drop the pounds.

This is my response: 

"Dear GMA & Lara & Amy: 

Before you remain so woefully ignorant as to believe that weight loss surgery is "the easy way out," do yourself (and your viewers) a favor and become informed. 

Weight loss surgery is NOT easy and if you don't make every one of the fundamental changes as those who did not have weight loss surgery (diet, behavior modification, exercise, etc.), you will not lose as successfully--and certainly will not maintain that weight loss. 

Read my 3-part series on the subject by starting here."

Most of you know I've had weight loss surgery and have maintained  a 175 lb weight loss for nearly 8 years. Those in the weight loss surgery community know:

(a) We knew we were risking our lives by having WLS. Some of us die on the table or soon thereafter. I have SEVERAL friends who died as a result of surgery, if not on the table. For many people like me, having surgery is a last resort. Just this year I had a related complication from my weight loss surgery on 11/19/2004 that resulted in (another) life-threatening emergency surgery.

(b) They don't operate on our heads and for many, severe modifications in the way we think and react are as vital as how (much) we eat. In the WLS community, we simply say: "They didn't operate on our heads!"

(c) Everyone pretty much can lose weight on any diet. I'm living proof of it. It's all about the long-term and "maintenance." My weight loss history is highly documented. I gained and lost a half ton of weight before finally being able to keep it off with weight loss surgery.

(d) If you followed the way I eat everyday (drinking my low-carb protein shake and eating red grapefruit as I type this), you'd think I was still on a diet because for me, that's how important it is to maintain my weight loss and keep sane. Because the benefits of weight loss surgery (accelerated weight loss during the first year to 18 months, depending on the surgery) diminish with time. If you haven't figured out how to do the right thing in the meantime, it will be as if you never had surgery at all.

So please, please... Good Morning America, People Magazine, and ALL media: Either show the WHOLE STORY, be real journalists and inform yourself, or simply choose your words more carefully. Promoting the aspect of weight loss surgery as trickery or "easy" is complete and utter ignorance.

No Tears for Oprah

Unless you have been under a rock and/or don't watch TV, it's impossible to escape the fact that Oprah (Winfrey) is ends the network run of her talk show this week after 25 years on-air.

I will preface these points by saying my words here are not about being a hater. I respect Oprah's accomplishments and believe she has worked hard for everything she has. For the most part, she appears to have a good heart but has suffered from some misguidance as she's gone about her career.

Although it may be overstating the obvious, Oprah deserves props for bringing our attention to many issues that might have otherwise gone unnoticed. However, I jumped off the Oprah bandwagon a few years ago. You will figure out why as you scan through the list below.

(Vogue Managing Editor) Andre Leon Talley. I stopped watching Oprah when her guest was this pompous arbiter of all that is fashion and womanhood, who was able to declare, unchallenged: "A woman is nothing without a pair of Manolos in her closet." Now as we all know, the Talleys of this world are pretty much paid to promote "high fashion," "haute couture," or whatever they're calling it these days. (Frankly, I call it misogynistic, size-biased, overpriced, budget-killing "stuff," at best.) If a woman needs fashion to feel like a woman, she should take a big step backward and find some real meaning in her life because it sure isn't in her closet.

Oprah made the Talleys of the world that much more powerful and never used her journalistic skills or impartiality to make valid points contesting such ridiculous assertions. Yet in a world with such increasingly precarious economic fragility, the need for more practical positions is becoming glaringly obvious with each passing day.

The hypocrisy in declaring the importance of "angel networks" and "now you know" and being aghast at the number of families going into debt due to "overspending" were clear to me, if not to the rest of her fans. I wrote, I expressed my concerns, no one paid attention. So I stopped paying attention too… to Oprah. I just couldn't stand the ridiculousness of the contrasts.

Target audience. In my opinion, although Oprah is indeed a proud Black woman who has never forgotten her life growing up with modest means in Black America, her target audience has obviously been middle to upper middle class white women. Many people of color have remained faithful fans over the years but in my opinion, I don't really believe Oprah has consistently used her juice to fully embrace and serve those who are still struggling with the kind of life she had been living before she started on her road to stardom.

To me, if anyone needs unending support and guidance, it's those trying to find a way out of despera­tion or a place from where they don't believe they'll ever emerge. Let's just say Oprah could focus a little more on those who seek direction and support than catering to those who already have the advantage of being able to tune in to her daily.

Commercialization. Those "My Favorite Things" segments have largely been focused on items embraced and affordable mostly by her middle to upper middle class devotees. While those episodes seem to be exciting and entertaining to watch—not a dry eye or seat in the audience—they were really hour-long commercials featuring pricier products that were more trendy than practical. It's not like Oprah paid full price for every item out of her own deep pockets; there were advertising trade-offs by the companies involved and lots of freebies for the privilege, and so on.

Actually, when any show concentrates on a certain person or group of persons that then receives huge rewards for their experiences, there's always that bittersweet sense of exclusion everyone else feels… as if they haven't done enough to benefit, they aren't worthy. Truth be told, I've stopped watching most shows like that because I'm just an all-exclusive kind of chick and I feel like others are being exploited for my entertainment.

Celebrity. In such a ridiculously celebrity-focused society such as ours, I'm sure topic-driven shows had to take second place to celebrity-driven shows. This no doubt included pressure from the network and staff. But Oprah took a turn somewhere along the line and her shows became more about fabulousness than real people. If someone with her juice didn't try to upset the apple cart and push the boundaries, then her mission to be real is still left somewhat unaccomplished. In a world where (literally) 1000 people can be bought for the price of one high-in-demand Hermes bag, Oprah still has some explaining to do for some degree of selling out.

Even if Oprah had taken her thyroid issues to a public audience more conscientiously, she could have made a significant difference for so many viewers. I contacted the show years before she was diagnosed because of what I saw to be an overwhelming prevalence of autoimmune diseases, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and similar medical conditions often categorized as "hypochondria" or "imagined." There seems to be astonishingly little information offered by broadcast media to help sufferers to understand what's happening to them and what can be done about it. Ironically (and tragically), it is largely Oprah's target audience that become primary sufferers from these conditions and could benefit the most from this kind of attention. The one episode or two done on Oprah's condition was so much more about her than about the condition.

Money. Again, Oprah deserves her billions, although I admit I giggled at her tear-laden declaration that her life has been so "enriched" by her audience. We should only see a drop in the bucket of the riches she has accumulated since her first show aired 25 years ago. But here's the reality: By having her own cable network (OWN—Oprah Winfrey Network), she stands to multiply her billions, especially when the time comes, I have no doubt, she announces that "The Oprah Winfrey Show" will see a new life on OWN.

So Hasta la vista, Oprah. Congratulations on your achievements. I know the networks are sad but I'm sure you're not disappearing off the face of the earth, either. Paraphrasing what your old pal Arnold has said: "You'll be back."

Mourning (My Living) Mom

As Mothers' Day quickly approaches, my mind is all about Mom (pictured at right with me in 1979 at my baby shower). With a twist. 

 

I could tell Mom for hours on end what she means to me and everything about her that is integrated into my being from my earliest memories forward. I could tell her she is one of a kind. That her graciousness and beauty and talent for entertaining and sociability put her in a class all by itself. How I channel her at times without even trying—good and bad—almost as if I'm having an out-of-body experience. That for the basic characteristics we share, we are every bit as different in others.

Not only could I tell her, I do. And continue to.

Except there's no indication she comprehends. Alzheimers has taken her so far away that we will never get her back.

When I share these more intimate details of my life, I feel like I'm exploiting Mom and my family for attention and consolation. But that is far from my intent. In fact, I often don't know what to say when people react sympathetically. I mean, what can you say? My writings are a reaction to some situation or stimuli; I share my work in hopes others can relate or find comfort/worth in my words.

For fifteen years, we have watched Mom fade away at a snail's pace. There were almost humorous incidents at first. Absentmindedness… Like not absorbing the simplicity of writing an address as simple as "1414." How do I write that? She ended up writing the words "Fourteen-Fourteen." She just couldn't wrap her head around writing the numbers. The disconnect was surfacing.

Within five years, Mom could no longer live alone and family members took turns as her caretakers.  By the tenth year, it was time for a nursing home because her needs were beyond our capabilities.  Now in her sixth year there, staff marvel at Mom's resilience and physical health. "She eats well," they say. She's practically their poster child to contradict people's fears that a nursing home expedites decline.  

That being said, Mom stopped speaking about two years ago. She barely opens her eyes. When pressed for a reaction, it's as if you're pulling her out of an alternate universe and back into ours. But her trips here are extremely brief; it's almost as if she can't wait to retreat back to where she lingers. My fantasy is that she's in a happy limbo surrounded by those who have passed, assuring her that wherever she is, she is loved. As naive as it sounds, it's one of the ways we who struggle to understand this mind boggling condition cope.

Friends of mine who have lost family members with Alzheimers usually lose them within five years. Why Mom continues to dwell in this netherworld, I do not know. It's not that we want to lose her; we just don't understand how it's possible someone can "live without living" years on end.

Watching the deterioration is beyond sad. Even worse is the inability—and accepting the inability—to improve Mom's status. Coming to that realization has at times caused bouts of depression and upheaval among those of us closest to her because we know the direction in which she is moving but we are in our own state of suspended animation as it continues for as long as it continues.

Not without faults, Mom's greatest failing in life was a lack of confidence in herself and her potential. She never really had an opportunity to spread her wings and fly, nor did she believe herself capable of doing so.  Still, nothing Mom has done warrants this sentence. In fact, it's not something I would wish on the most despicable of people.

So you'll understand if I give in to nostalgia this Mothers' Day and prefer to remember what was--instead of what is. If I publicly explore the overwhelming challenge of letting go of someone in slow motion as heart strings stretch beyond threadbare. 

The only solace is letting myself feel Mom's love and believing she loves each one of us to the best of her ability. Sincere and deep, not overly demonstrative but never cold, she strived to do the right thing in every situation and you rarely left her feeling anything but warmer for the experience.

I love Mom. Her legacy will always be unconditional love. She gave it, ached for it and in the oddest of ways, somehow communicates it—even in her current state.

Perhaps the greatest irony of all are Mom's words in her productive days when faced with frustration or pressure: "I just want to be left alone." I'm pretty sure this isn't what she meant.

No Dancing... Just Limbo

It will never be easy for me to endorse tit-for-tat behavior.

Yes, the person whom we believe to be responsible for the worst crime against innocent lives in American history has finally met his end at our hands. But is this justice? Possibly. Should there be mass dancing in the streets, sighs of relief, smugness, and rejoicing? Not in my mind.

I watched in disgust and disbelief as media broadcasted clips of Middle Eastern people dancing in the streets after 9/11. Amazed and disappointed in the apparent soullessness of anyone celebrating such horrific devastation, that level of evil still remains beyond my purview, comprehension and ability to process.

Even though I was barely ten blocks away as the second tower fell, I saw more good and fellowship among people that day than I did the evil that perpetrated it. A decade later, the unbearable grief, fear and shock have yet to thoroughly fade. To think anyone could ever find it a reason for joyousness in those events just doesn't compute; it hurts too much.

Theories that contradict what we have been told about 9/11 abound. Working the newsdesk at the time, I've certainly heard some wild scenarios. But enough information has come my way to keep me from believing that Bin Laden was the sole mastermind behind the horrors and that his death is a reason to celebrate. I have rarely seen great rewards or benefits in retaliation, unless it's part of a scripted storyline. In real life, more often than not it is immature grandstanding.

We recently had someone in our lives who was intentionally making our lives miserable. We had been kind to her for as long as we'd known her and paid most of her living expenses  for over a decade. When the economy changed our personal situation and we needed to alter that arrangement, she made things as difficult for us as she possibly could. Numerous trips to court ensued and in the midst of dealing with legalities, she died of Stage Four lung cancer. As much as we preferred she would disappear while experiencing the immensely stressful ordeal, we still mourned her death. We never wished her dead; it was a matter of "you don’t have to go home but you can't stay here."

I love America and the premises upon which it was founded. As with anything, improvement is needed. We have lost our way and focus on so many issues. We are not omnipotent, nor are we blameless for our own crimes against humanity, even if it is more intentional ignorance/avoidance (e.g., genocide in Darfur) than aggressive violence. America is not always justified in our actions, can be more selective with our involvement (such as "defending" oil-laden countries versus inserting ourselves in the issues of the more impoverished), nor are we always the good guys. We need to remember that many issues in which we intercede, we believe ourselves justified and righteous … but then so do our foes.