Turning On is A Turn-Off

There's a preponderance of images riding the airwaves and so little of it is satisfying an itch. It's like getting a craving for something but you're not sure exactly what you want. You're only sure what you don't --and I'm getting plenty of that.

This William & Kate thing is so ridiculously overkill that it borders on the obscene. Not every woman grows up with a princess fantasy and many who do were probably buried in pink and chiffon since birth and never moved on. (Makes it quite difficult for the man who falls in love with her to grant every desire, since there's no magic wand.)

W&K appear happy, it all sounds like grand fun but let's just wish them well and let it play out.  

I'm a grownup. I don't need such trivial distractions from the brutal realities of life by living vicariously through people across the pond and monitoring their every breath. Instead of insisting I wake up at 4am to watch something I can easily DVR or watch in clips ad infinitum, constructively inform me about things that matter! It's five days before the wedding; I've already turned off all local and national morning news shows and watching reruns of Frasier instead!

Really, just who is making the decisions these days? The news business has cut back by firing talented veteran news professionals the past few years. People who became honored and credible journalists dedicated to bringing quality news to viewers and readers for decades. The money saved has been invested instead in making sure we know what underwear Kate's wearing on wedding night.

It's deplorable.

In America alone, we are intricately involved/engaged in several major wars; $5 gas prices have quickly become the norm; tornadoes have destroyed entire towns; we have yet to determine the complete economic, environmental and humanitarian impact of Japan's earthquake and nuclear disasters; we are continually told the economy is improving but can't figure out what we're doing wrong because all our cutbacks aren't helping our families stay afloat financially; and beautiful young women are vanishing without explanation. Emerging us in the royal wedding is … insulting.

Here's my initial television wish list:

- Don't bury me in tearjerker scenarios by exploiting the disadvantaged

- Stop trying to convince me that "Cougar Town," "30 Rock," "Mad Love," "Mr. Sunshine," and "Parks & Recreation" are quality television. Overly frantic or pot-induced scenarios do not equal funny or entertaining.

- More first-run episodes of current programming. There are some shows on their third play of episodes that were new at season's start.

- Use your brain and don't cancel a show with as great potential and star power as "The Paul Reiser Show" after two runs. Yeah, it needs a bit of tweaking but it's got much better bones than 75% of anything else making an appearance these days. (Such a bone head, knee jerk reaction to pull it.)

- Stop taking the lowest common denominator of female and focusing on their despicably vile behavior, then make sure they receive millions of dollars and unending attention for the effort

- Tell me how to stay sane in the most frightening of economies; with the most apathetic of authorities; the least inattentive and uncooperative of vendors, salespeople and service people; and help us understand why the most vigorous of us are ready to collapse in a heap on the floor from all the stress.

Just in case you think I'm no youngster and not hip enough to know what's worth viewing, I watch more television across the board and generations than most. It's people my age who are still watching television these days and should have some consideration in programming content. My voice can't be the only one shouting.

All in A Word

My Great Grandmother Angelina Revellino used to say "Dolly* … No talka before you go, talka when you come back." It's something I've practiced all my life. Too bad there are many out there who don't.

Everyone is an armchair expert these days. They half-listen or half-read a line/comment and hastily react. They take another's inventory and think they've got them all figured out.

But here's the thing… You can't possibly know everything about anyone in a flash. Even the most open and transparent of individuals cannot be so easily analyzed.

There are many dangers in deciding to be the judge, jury and executioner of another human being. People who appear publicly confident often intimidate the insecure, who then fight for superiority by devising ways--often verbal--to control them. 

Unfortunately even the strongest individuals with a powerful persona can be emotionally left in a heap on the floor, courtesy of one key word. And I'm seeing it happen all around me more frequently. To people I care about very much.

Despite my position as a "believer," it is becoming abundantly clear that this world is not eager to change its negative path. It's just not all sunshine and rainbows. In reality, it never was—and likely never will be. But it can improve. It can be better.

People really need to step back a second, breathe, reevaluate the words BEFORE they leave their mouths and consider the impact and repercussions.

Normally I'm not much of a name-caller because I was pretty much a target in grammar school and its sting taught me that lesson. Fat kids don't usually fare well amongst their peers and I was no different. Because "Melissa" was an unusual name in the 60s, it was easy to transition the name to "Malaria." So when someone coined me as "Contagious Malaria" in fourth grade, it caught on quickly. No one was to touch me or come near me, lest they too face "the wrath of the bullies."  

Don't feel sorry for me, it's not the first time I was called a name and it certainly wasn't the last. I shed a fair amount of tears and let it keep me down for a while but there are benefits to being determined and thickheaded. So eventually I moved on and forward.

The name calling to my face and behind my back certainly didn't end in childhood. Actually it continues to this day. Now that weight is less of an issue in my life, people just find other names to call me, citing other reasons.

The human psyche is very delicate. I have a better than average understanding of psychology because of my gig writing and editing text. But even by viewing a few episodes of "Criminal Minds," it's not difficult to see that the person who seems to be in total control can become unraveled by a "final straw" (trigger).

The bottom line is that another's head is not your stomping ground. You don't like it when it happens to you. But then you turn around and do it to somebody else. It's a cycle of abuse, pure and simple.

The additional fragility lies in the reality that everybody needs to feel connected. When a target has made their primary anchor and identity related to a social media site or bulletin board or organization, it's hard to deprogram and move on if their intent and popularity there is focused upon by the jealous, mean and/or unstable.

So I say to those of you who love purely and give freely of yourselves to others with good intent: Keep the following in mind when another's words start crowding your head and inhibiting your progress.

-Most of the time, it's really not about you at all. It's about them and their insecurities.

-"What others think of us is none of our business."

-Life is a learning experience. "Take what you need and leave the rest" … "Use it or lose it."

-A thread of truth does not weave the fabric of our lives—or our future.

-Diminish the power of abuses past by refusing to allow them to continually control our today.

-Devalue the impact of words intended to hurt so you can continue your mission.

-Stay pure of heart and intent. Leaders don't follow crowds mired in negativity.

-If it was all meant to be easy, there would be no joy in accomplishing life's challenges.

-Go where there is love and support; repel hostility, negativity, doubt.

-Continue to emanate that beauty from within. It shines. It pervades. It rejuvenates and empowers.

-Stay on course; it will really piss the meanies off. Their impact dissipates with each unkind word.

*That's how Great Grandma said "Darling" in her broken English. (She emigrated from Italy and returned there before she died.)

Rewarding Bad Behavior

Will there ever again be a time when being famous doesn't include drama, drinking and dumbing down? Even when I hung around stoned hippies at Bethesda Fountain (in Central Park), we valued people who exhibited some level of intelligence and inimitable talent. Now it seem as though anyone capable of ignoring cameras while immersed in obnoxious behavior beyond measure has become a superstar and takes home more money than they can count for the privilege. (And I do mean that literally.)

It's beyond me in every way. It's not an age thing. It's a "What's the attraction?" thing.

Reality television had a level of appeal in its infancy. We felt like voyeurs, sharing an intimacy with "real people" or celebrities behind closed doors. Now it's so obviously staged and very often, staged quite badly. Gene Simmons Family Jewels, Season 1? Fantastic. I fell in love with him. Not because of KISS but because he has a business mind that makes Trump shudder. But Season 2 of Family Jewels was so obviously scripted that it was nauseating. Then it got worse.

The Real Housewives franchise is an extraordinarily embarrassing portrayal of the worst women—and the worst in women. The reals are hideously fake. I mean, I get it. Everyone has ulterior motives--selling products, selling themselves, angling for their own series, etc. But watching someone like New York's Countess de Lesseps—who actually seemed interesting—eventually lower herself to the level of a poor man's Rhianna, physically hurts. Really. I have a pain in my chest just thinking about it.

Then of course Atlanta's Nene is everywhere. (Sadly enough.) Atlanta's Kim Zolciac is ridiculous. Whether it's wigs, music singles, or earplugs, it doesn't matter. Whatever she's selling, I am not buying. Flat-out embarrassing, all the way around. I can't be the only one who thinks so. I'm no Bethenny Frankel fan but at least she deserves some credit for marketing a usable product sold at a relatively reasonable price (SkinnyGirl low-calorie alcohol drink mixes), then handed over most of the business to Jim Beam for as much as $11 million. (Try to zero-in on that figure… very sketchy data.)

The Kardashians bring me to tears. I'm actually shaking my head incredulously as I type this. Lovely girls. Walk the red carpet, smile, pose. Great. But other than that? Not an ounce of talent among them. That Kim was encouraged to make a music single and host a network television special is nothing short of mind blowing. But then she shines when compared to sister Kourtney's performance on "One Life to Live." Kourtney was reported as saying she "felt like a prostitute" when shooting her segments. A loaded line if ever there was one. Less than a month later, the soap—on-air since 1968—was canceled, effective January 2012.  Thanks, Kourtney.

If you think I'm just hating or venting for the sake of bitching, here's my real problem: In addition to the fact that the concept of "quality television" is becoming an oxymoron as a result of the influx of these "superstars," people now seem confused as to what makes for a "quality person." The louder, brasher, most obnoxious wheel gets rolling and money is thrown at them. Why should anyone even bother to strive for decency?

Then there are those with obvious, credible talent who lack the good fortune of bumping into Ryan Seacrest and being turned into media icons. Don't you find it the least bit sad that a natural born showperson may miss his/her opportunity because these marginal characters were hogging up the spotlight?

A pathetic precedent has been set. Values have been skewed. Appropriate behavior is careening out into the stratosphere. Everyone wants to be spectacular and lavish and have everything designer, flashy and ostentatious. So few are willing to put any work into achieving it. Nor do they think they need to do anything to achieve it. Except behave outrageously.

Just because you don't agree doesn't mean I'm "hating." I'm really not. I'm stating fact. The day Rutgers University decided it would hand Snooki $32,000 to speak and only give Nobel-winning novelist Toni Morrison $30,000 was the day any semblance of sanity died for me. After all, the message "Study hard but party harder" is worth $6,400 a word, isn't it?

It's unlike me to state a problem without a resolution. But I only have one: Pray. Pray for our souls. Pray for our sanity. Pray for reasonableness and levelheadedness amongst the people of the universe. Even if you're an atheist. Pray.

NASCAR Has Nothing Over Sheen

Everyone with a thought and a pen is using both to speak about the fascinating public breakdown that is Charlie Sheen. As fields of snow across the U.S. melt into floods of destruction, so goes he. I can't resist the urge to join the legions who feel they have to say something on the issue.

There is a Polyanna side of me that truly wants to believe this otherwise seemingly spoiled megalomaniac speed freak is actually auditioning: Delivering a stunning portrayal of a man on the edge to prove he really can act. That in his extraordinarily overpaid and under-demanding role on Two and a Half Men, he's been relegated to a stereotype character, reaping millions but no satisfaction for the true art that can be acting.

As with most intelligent, narcissistic madmen, there are many nuggets of truth in Charlie's words—although their numbers and worth diminish the more he speaks. (I've experienced the same phenomenon with Gary Busey and Charlie Manson over the years!)

Sheen points to the ridiculousness that is Hollywood—the exploitation, commercialization, spoon-fed dreck that the masses devour without question or distinction. Although he overuses the term exponentially, he calls those not on his side "trolls." I vigorously challenge the overly broadened interpretation.

He espouses motivational rhetoric in a diarrhea-like fashion, leaving droplets of imitation liquid gold along his road to self-annihilation: "Winning!" "Pain is a myth." "We beg for nothing. Beggars beg, winners win. Period. The end. Suck it." "Apocalypse Me: The Jaws of Life."** He claims to record almost everything now because he is "tired of losing all my gold into the ether sphere of f---ing stupidity." Clearly he has managed to morph Tony Robbins into Gadhafi, transforming words meant to empower into histrionic ramblings.

Sheen reminds me of the plethora of stories I heard when going to *Gam-anon meetings: The more you win, you still have to lose. The truth is Charlie can tattoo, scream, and sky-write that he's "winning" all he wants but in reality, he's seeking a bottom that continues to elude him. If his bottom doesn't rise to meet him post haste, he'll undoubtedly careen to his demise.

Parallels to Peter Finch's character in Network—a brief reference Sheen himself made during his Howard Stern-style "Sheen's Korner" on Ustream (or as he admits, "a shameful trainwreck filled with blind cuddly puppies")—are almost too obvious to mention. Maybe in his speed-addled mind, Sheen is determined to go out in a publicly maniacal manner.

It appears the consensus of the masses about him is running (very generally) 40% "sad," 40% "mad," 20% "stop talking about him already!" I must admit that I can't stop watching. I'd like to believe it's purely journalistic interest that keeps me transfixed on the man and the meltdown but I honestly haven't searched my soul enough to verify that. Everyone can insist "no more drama," yet overall there is nothing more spellbinding at this point in time than watching "The Charlie Show." One way or another, he is getting his wish: Whether he's acting, melting, insane, or high; prophet, demon or dirtbag, he's got our attention.

For the billions of people who scrape by each day on a meager dollar for much harder work, it is hard to summon much sympathy for this man and his $1.8 million/episode salary that—if the producers are to be believed—have been riddled with outtakes of Charlie's flubbed lines and unsteady posture. Still, we who continually struggle to stay on-target and really are "winning," (or "working at winning" a day at a time), would rather be us than him any day.
--------------------------------------
*A fellowship for family members of gamblers. (A long-time boyfriend of mine had the problem, so I attended meetings for support.)

**His proposed autobiography title.

What's *Your* Agenda?

Okay. I admit it. There’s an ulterior motive as to why I blog and tweet and Facebook. I have an agenda: Help others benefit from many of my life experiences without having to make all the mistakes I’ve made. Someday I might have a product to market. So I put myself out there and share. A lot.

Republicans claim Democrats/Obama have a Socialist agenda. Democrats claim Republicans have a partisan, conservative, big money agenda. Politics is pretty much “all about” agendas; look in the dictionary under “agenda” and there are likely to be pictures of a donkey and an elephant.

Then there’s television. ABC pushes Disney both overtly and subtly (e.g., "General Hospital" character Brook Lyn sang "When You Wish Upon A Star" during Karaoke night at the show's pub); NBC makes equally sure they endorse things “Universal-ly.” If you have network Video on Demand, you know they unabashedly push their programming and you usually can’t fast forward/rewind your way around it.

Inasfar as the programs themselves: There are some that receive my full attention and others are background noise while I’m online. An in-between were Bravo’s NY & NJ Housewives series. Then I realized: EVERY cast member had an agenda. It was one thing when it was about a family business and a little shameless self-promotion but then everyone “went Hollywood.” Now this housewife sells jewelry, that housewife sells clothing, another is selling sex tapes, the most classy is selling a disco song/video, and as a subtext, they’re *all* selling Botox. Their vicious attacks and backbiting left me empty and sad at how far (especially) women will go to embarrass and humiliate themselves (and each other) for airtime. I stopped watching the shows before their respective first seasons ended.

The “Bachelor[ette]?” More background noise. If the goings-on were anymore slimy, I’d have to staple myself to my seat. Every participant is out for something and it’s rarely love. Most sickening of the recent dregs is Frank Neuschaefer—one of the last three bachelors vying for Ali Fedotowsky. He had a "sudden epiphany" and realized he was still in love with his "ex-girlfriend Nicole."

In full view of the TV audience, Nicole played into a sickeningly phony love scene with Frank as they declared their revived love for one another. He then flew to Tahiti to let Ali know about his change of heart and left the (vulnerable?) Bachelorette momentarily heartbroken. (Who was only too ready to tell all on Jimmy Kimmel and George Lopez.)

I mean… Seriously? Who freakin’ does these things? Is there anything at all minutely real about TV at ALL these days? These people make my skin crawl at first sight. How could anyone find them remotely interesting/marketable? Sadly, someone, somewhere is likely to take the Frank & Nicole storyline and turn it into something. Or maybe that is how Frank will attempt to accelerate *his* agenda—making it as a screenwriter—which was reportedly his sole purpose for being on “The Bachelorette” in the first place and was never really estranged from Nicole. (Translation: Nicole knew Frank was going on the show to further his agenda, supported him in the effort to be something he is not so he could be something he wanted to be. Ewwww.)

I initially thought Jake (the last bachelor) was "the real deal" and was disgusted when he chose Vienna because she was so unlikeable. Then he went on "Dancing with the Stars." When that didn’t give them enough airtime, he and Vienna very publicly broke up and I realized they actually deserved each other because they both had equally high yuck factors. (Chris Harrison is applying for a Ph.D. in relationship counseling--or sainthood--as I write this.)

Then, of course, "Bachelor Pad" debuts August 9th on ABC. Or as I like to call it: "Invasion of the Bachelor/ette Bottom-Dwellers." The most despicable cast members (like country singer Wes from Bachelorette Jillian episodes) play Twister for money as they behave badly/provocatively. (Jillian, BTW, has now officially split with fiancé Ed.)

Yeah, I know… Stop watching if it annoys you. And yes, I know it says something about me that I watch at all. Stupid. I can’t even claim “ignorant” because I *do* know better. (But then what would I write about?)

It has never been clearer that virtually everyone in public view has a price and to further the value, an agenda is designed.

Writing about this subject was prompted by today's New York Daily News article about a poll that declares life is downhill for women after age 31. That, after age 31, women lose—or believe they start losing—their looks and sense of self.

Admittedly, my reaction is skewed because I’m way on the over side of 31 and I’ve had a stick up my butt for a while since the world seemed to stop listening to me altogether when I turned 50. But that’s personal. (Doesn’t keep me from having a voice and using it to scream from the highest mountains—or setting fingers to keyboard—to get my point across.)

Supposedly 2000 women were polled by QVC—a television/internet shopping network that sells beauty, vanity, and fashion for a premium. You know, the shopping channel whose agenda it is to make sure that we 31+ women (more likely their target consumers than our younger counterparts) realize we’re useless without them? Hence, we must become their uber-consumers and take advantage of their fabulous products so that we can ease the pain of merciless aging, lest our remaining 50-years-or-so be rendered totally and utterly insignificant.

In a world full of (eventual) karmic reconciliation, those of us with an agenda will answer for whatever actions we’ve taken to exploit our agendas. So far so good for me. QVC—which cannot possibly be doing as well in these lean financial times as in the past—will hopefully find they've viciously and self-servingly attacked women’s vulnerability to its core (while doing everything within their capacity to cultivate that vulnerability) and will have a serious karmic debt to pay.

BUT… in the meantime… They’ve lost me as a customer. There’s a lot I cannot control in this world. (Painful to admit and sometimes harder to accept.) This I can.

Care to join me?

Ageism & Discrimination in the News Business

You would have to be extremely clueless to know the news industry and not see the rampant discrimination. Ageism has been par for the course for a long time. Does one need to go back to the Norville-Pauley days to recognize it? Norville essentially has since proven herself in many ways, although she suffered "reverse ageism backlash" more than most. (That was so long ago that Norville now has to be the one looking for the "little pishers" trying to edge her out of the way.)

Kaity Tong remains a reputable, likeable newsperson, as does Marchiano in Sports and even Watkins as an anchor. (Watkins' contract, BTW, has NOT been renewed.) Kaity can still hold her own anywhere. None of the people mentioned in the article really look their age. (Can Kaity TRULY be almost 60???)

This being said, WPIX news is a train wreck and has been for quite some time. I believe it's more technically-induced than anchor-initiated but something's not right somewhere. I have literally watched the 10pm news fall apart mid-cast and the spirit of the anchors along with it. Methinks letting Berlamino go was a wise move because of this.

I watch WCBS and WABC news most frequently and although WABC has been riddled with tech problems for a while (appears to be more switcher and automation related than anything), their reporting and anchors remain professionally solid. (Except for the major Good Morning America faux pas last week during which Robin Roberts spread the word that "26 billion--1 out of every 7 people in the world--will be watching World Cup Soccer events at some point over the next 30 days..." I had just woken up in my autoimmune-disease-fog-ridden-state and knew how out of whack such a stat was. There are less than 6.9 billion people in the entire world!! But I digress...)

At least WABC appears faithful to their "oldtimers" more than most stations. And with good reason. You'd be a fool to let go of solid journalists the likes of a Diana Williams.

WCBS seems to ask the most of their anchors (Mary Calvi & Chris Wragge especially) and they come through with flying colors. They're solid, likeable and I sure hope they're getting paid for keeping the local news afloat (and in Wragge's case, the The Early Show Weekend... he's anchored the 11:00 news on a Friday and manages to co-anchor network at 7am the next morning with style and professionalism).

I worked behind the camera in news for several years and I can tell you that the industry kills many of its most dedicated. It took the best years I had left. Because I let it. Dedication to this or any job at the sacrifice of your health and mental well-being (regardless of your desire to make an impact and do good for others) is a mistake. I still physically suffer now (SEVEN YEARS LATER) and hardly anyone I worked with has looked back--despite the fact that I sourced THREE emmy-award winning stories before I left and few have even whispered my name.

Am I bitter? No, I'm really not. I let what happened to me happen. All I needed to do was walk away. Instead I stayed until I could barely crawl away. A word of warning to all: Monitor your health. No story, news director, paycheck... nothing is worth your health. Just look at the list of wonderful news people (not just in the large markets) who died from cancer... When your body's talking, listen. Don't put off a doctor's appointment to share the next big story. Because the one after that could be YOUR obit.

But a healthy older person who still has the chops... There's no reason for them to be drummed out and shame on all who think that's the way to go. Hope it bites you in the a$$ but good. Karma's a sonofagun. I just may smirk as I see it do its work.

Now if only someone at PIX could explain why anyone thought the scandal-mired Mendte was a good idea... I really try not to be mean but he was a washed up blowhard way before he made his way across the East River to share his mindless drivel on the airwaves--and get paid for it???

Grateful to Be A Weight Loss Surgery Success

I will spare you a long lengthy diatribe--although after careful review, it's not short. The intimate details of my weight loss surgery experiences are available by checking out my website and my weight loss surgery profile on Obesity Help. However, suffice to say:

Five years ago: I felt as though my life was over (but was optimistic)

Today: I feel as though my life has just begun.

I am 54 years old. I have never gained more than 10 lbs in five years--and that was all either water weight or hormone induced. (Mind you, I am documented as having gained and lost over half a ton up until then.) I still can't eat more than 12 oz in one sitting but do eat every 2-3 hours. A humongous red pear wiIl still fill me up so much that I can't finish it but I'm satisfied as all get out.

I eat fresh wholesome foods, whole grains, sugar-free and have become a gourmet, a cooking whiz and have even started canning (recently put up my own SF meat tomato sauce, SF cranberry sauce, SF cranberry jam, SF apple butter, etc) ... I make my own yogurt, my own SF granola, etc etc and love every second of it. Eat out rarely because I can either imitate or improve upon the sugar-salt-and-preservative-laden-fare.

I have not waivered over 135 lbs since the great Mirena disaster of 2006 (that put 10 hormone-filled pounds on my body that took months to eliminate and caused a 1"x3" benign tumor in my breast) and because my body still changes/firms from proper eating and physical activity (no plastic surgery), I appear thinner than ever. I'm just under 130 lbs now: Maintaining a 190 lb weight loss to date.

Life is not without its challenges. I am not perfect. Everything from job loss to loss of friends and family. My vitamins could be better; the autoimmune diseases persist. Yet there is an ebb and flow that reminds me life is for living not observing and even when I try to ride the wave, it pulls me in and demands my participation.

I am here to tell you that dreams ARE realized, persistence is key.

You matter. I matter. Believe it to your core.

Aspire - Perspire - Inspire ... or, if you like:

Aspire
Inspire
Make it happen!

Blessings to all of you... always!